They say it takes 30 days to either break or shape a habit. That saying resonates with me so I couldn’t resist when I saw that Bikram Yoga Göteborg ran a 30-days challenge. I have tried it a few times before and it is a kind of yoga that really attracts me. The heat, the discipline, the repetitive classes and the feeling afterwards – I love all about it. I have always liked yoga but I have a very busy mind that easily wanders and I sometimes have problems to focus, but in this yoga form I’m atleast 95% present ;)
(For you who dont know – Bikram is a form of yoga adapted from Hatha yoga and is a series of 26 postures practiced in a room heated to 40 degrees celsius with a humidity of 40%. The heat and humidity improves the flexibility and to be honest – its kind of magic during autumn/winter/spring in a cold country as mine. Feeling warmed up to the core.)
Today is day 15 so I’m half through and feel it is time to share the journey so far, and wow – what a journey. So much are happening and going on, in both body and mind. I have attended 15 x 90-minute classes which looks almost the same even though the different intructors adds a different layer to the experience. The woman who runs the studio, Allison, is something special. It is not that she is the best instructor, they are all very good, but her words always hits the right note with me.
First 10 days I was exhausted, not physically (not at all, rather energized) but mentally. Feelings were everywhere – high and low. It is like I had years of stress and suppressed feelings caught deep down in the muscles slowly releasing. I needed lots of time on my own, doing nothing. I was crying a lot, even during class. Now 15 days in things are shifting, so many feelings continue coming up and I’m able to to just accept and let go of them. Just observe them, twist and turn them a couple of times and then quietly just let them go. I don’t have words to decribe all this but I know that I’m exactly were I need to be. It is the law of attraction, right? I asked for a change after this crazy year and there it was. Life is cool like that. Send out a thought and a wish in the universe, believe it can happen and it does.
I see this challenge as a 30-day long act of self-love. Everyday I spend 90 minutes doing this for me, loving myself, accepting myself, getting to know myself better and a lot of this time is spent gazing into my own eyes through the mirror. How often do we do that? Look ourselves in the eyes, it is actually a very cool feeling. At first I found it challenging and slightly disturbing, but now I find it soothing and strengthening. Everyday is a new lesson and I’m trying to absorb as much as I can. Seeing the limits and boundaries. Accepting some of them, breaking others. And I see so much progress in the other participants. One of the women told me today that she feels so much more comfortable in her body. At first she didn’t want to get undressed because she felt unsecure due to the ”other girls” were much smaller than her. Now she doesn’t want to get dressed which might be the most amazing progress ever. Being comfortable in your own skin is hard, isn’t it? And admitting that you’re not to a bunch of strangers must be even harder. I do it every now and then but I’m hiding behind a screen so all love and kudos to you brave, beautiful and strong woman <3 Self-love, self-worth, self-acceptance and a feeling of inner balance and calmness, the practise makes all these things easier for me and obviously to others too. It took me 15 days to say I feel calm but now I’m calmer than I have been in a very long time.
For the physical part it is also so amazing, the discipline of the practise is strict but safe (at least this is my observation – of course you can get injured if not careful) and the other day I heard the great saying: In training: no pain, no gain. In Bikram: if pain – no brain! So good. I can’t tell you enough the importance of listening to the body and accepting where it is TODAY as the current state of our bodies changes from one day to another. For the first time during any kind of training I have been able to leave my ego and self critisism outside the room and just been focusing on where I am right now. Not trying to force anything, just accepting. Acceptence is a word I have been repeating in this post but it is of such importance and it has always been a struggle for me, so has self-love. Even though my self-esteem is kind of solid I often lack confidence and self-loath has been around a lot throughout my life. Judging myself very hard, comparing myself and punishing myself. Not being good enough. Can you relate? Sadly I think many of us can. Let us change that. Instead of focusing on what you’re not, focus on the amazing being you are and instead of seeing what you can’t – see what you can and embrace the beauty of you being you. No one else in the world can do that better.
I will continue sharing the journey and also post a few progress pictures after the 30-days. Even though this is not about the physical part for me I still think is both interesting and cool what can happen in only 30 days.
Thank you for reading this and I wish you a magic weekend! Please remember: You are perfectly imperfect and beutiful just the way you are. Just you being you is more than enough. I love you!
On the pictures I’m wearing my favorite set of activewear from J.Lindeberg (Yes, I have realized that the top is a bit too warm for Bikram – I prefer just a sportsbra in the heat but the tights are the best!!) and my gorgeous mat comes from my dear friends Grounded Factory – and apart frpm being utterly stylish it is organic and made in vegan ”suede”- LOVE it!